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The
Rant
December, 2003
Note from Karl
A few months ago I wrote an article for Enjoy!
magazine. It's the quarterly publication of
the NLLC ( NL Liquor Corporation ). I have received
more reaction to the article than I could ever
have imagined, all of it favourable. It is the
story of the construction of my home wine cellar,
a birthday present I gave myself this year.
It was a significant birthday... I'll say no
more.
Anyway, with the consent of the folks at Enjoy!
we're now providing it to the readers of karlwells.com.
I hope you like it...
A Place for the Grape
(Adventures in Wine Cellar Construction)
by Karl Wells
www.karlwells.com
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Caption: Enjoy!...Fall,
2003
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There's an old Newfoundland saying that I'm
fond of. It is, 'He could put an arse in a cat'.
It refers to one who is blessed with the talent
to make or fix things, out of seemingly nothing,
with great skill and efficiency. I've been lucky
enough these past few months to have a couple
of guys fitting that description, building a
wine cellar in my basement. The big fella is
called Wayne and the smaller, wirey one is called
Steve. Every week (for maybe two or three nights)
Wayne and his Uncle Steve come to my house and
hammer and saw, and sand and stain. They are
family friends I prevailed upon. They've never
built a wine cellar before (and may never again,
judging from muttered comments I overheard)
but, by God, they've done a bang-up job!
This little project started in my brain many
years ago. I have always loved an occasional
glass of wine, mainly (I hasten to add) with
meals. There is no better accompaniment, for
example, to a lightly seasoned and carefully
grilled rib-eye than a glass of pinot noir.
Over the years I have tasted many wines with
many fabulous dinners.
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Makeshift work area,
outside cellar
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Unfinished entrance,
outside cellar
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And, in this age of the ubiquitous 'wine kit'
and home 'hobbyists' who think they're the next
Robert Mondavi, I have to say I am talking about
REAL wine, produced from REAL grapes, in a REAL
winery. I hate 'homemade' wine. It is absolutely
appalling stuff..all of it! There, I've said
it. I've had that bottled-up (pardon the pun)
for a long time. If I have offended any friends,
please forgive me. Anyway, after a few years
of making two or three trips a week to the NLC
store for my mealtime ambrosia, I realized it
would be more efficient (not to mention discreet)
if I bought my wine by the case, or half case.
That way I could avoid a lot of running around,
as well as (call me paranoid) any idle gossip
about a possible wine 'problem'.
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Unfinished tasting
table area
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Steve Kelly applies
stain
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Wayne Kelly adjusts
shelf
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I have a pretty cool basement so I would just
pile the vino into make-shift shelves in a storage
room down there. This was, and is, a perfectly
acceptable way to store your wine and I have
many friends who do the same. However, for me,
wine is more than just a pleasant beverage.
The collecting, storing, itemizing, decanting,
and consumption of it is a totally aesthetic
experience. I like to hold the bottle and examine
the label for information about things like
'terroir', then place it in its appropriate
slot on the shelf. I enjoy simply standing back
and surveying my collection, counting the cabs,
the merlots, the reislings, and so on. I'm like
a stamp collector admiring a collection of beloved
stamps. However, what I did not have was the
equivalent of a nice stamp 'album'. So, I decided
it would be great to have an attractive setting
in which to display my wine.
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Wayne makes one
last adjustment
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The budget for this project was by no means
large. It is not the 'Cadillac' of wine cellars.
It does not have refrigeration or humidity control,
or the most expensive woods and finishes. However,
with creative solutions and help from friends
and relatives with a talent for carpentry and
decorating, we produced a cellar that is attractive
enough for entertaining and does what it is
supposed to do. That is, provide a dark space
with consistant temperatures and humidity, in
which to slowly coax a vintage claret to its
full and glorious maturity.
The space we decided on was an alcove area
in the basement (about the size of a small bedroom)
eleven by fifteen-and-a-half-feet. The area
is perfect because it is on a north facing wall
of underground concrete and without a heat source.
First, the space needed to be closed-off and
given a door.
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Finished entrance
area
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Karl at tasting table...tasting!
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A wall was framed-up using two-by-fours. A
light switch was moved outside the alcove and
onto the new outside wall. We found some leftover
insulation and used that, as well as some leftover
wallboard for the exterior wall that matched
the existing basement wallboard. With the room
created, next we had to decide how to cover
the walls of the cellar.
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East ( white wine
) wall
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West ( red wine )
wall
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Pine board was readily available at a good
price. Wayne and his younger brother Larry took
care of attaching the panels on a cold night
when an inaugural tot of rum seemed more appropriate
than a glass of cabernet. The panels were stained
a nice dark cherry. The walls looked so good
we decided the shelving should be stained as
well. But wait, we didn't have any shelving
yet...Ah yes, those pesky wine racks! Tedious
and time-consuming work to be sure. Everything
else was a breeze compared to this step. Those
mutinous mutterings I refered to earlier, ultimately
stemmed from my favoured shelving (sorry, guys).
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Brick section of
wine cellar
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For easy access and aesthetic reasons I wanted
wine racks built on all four walls of the cellar.
I'm talking individual slots for individual
bottles. However, this sounded a bit too labour
intensive (as well as a pain in the 'you-know-what')
to my builder buddies. So, a compromise. We
would mix the shelving. Some would be the racks
I prefered, others would be simple shelves with
triangular compartments. These would accomodate
several identical bottles of wine (that way
you could just take a bottle from the top of
the pile without needing to disturb the rest).
There were a few other innovations as well.
The room is not huge but it was big enough to
accomodate some sort of centrepiece. I had found
a picture of a cellar with what is called a
'tasting' table. (Picture a bunch of wine lovers
standing around it sniffing, sipping, and even
spitting a wine.) Essentially, it was a peninsula
secured at its end to the wall and standing
on a single stout leg. Wayne thought he could
duplicate it by joining, with screws and glue,
several lengths of two-by-three. To create a
special look for the tasting table wall area
we installed columns of tubular slots directly
above the tabletop, flanked on either side by
thick glass shelves for ornaments and wine glasses.
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The tasting table
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The tubular slots posed a problem, namely how
to get the effect we wanted without having to
rob a bank. Have you ever priced some of the
terracotta wine cylinders available at tile
shops? How can something so basic (a clay tube,
for Pete's sake) cost so much? Needless to say,
this cat wasn't interested in paying mucho dinero
for such a thing. Then a friend gave me an idea.
Why not use the heavy cardboard tubing cores
used in those huge carpet rolls? Bingo, another
creative solution! Wayne knew a friend of a
friend of a friend who could get us some of
those suckers. Then we sawed them up, making
wine containers of an appropriate length. Each
one was stained and set aside for eventual placement
in a frame above the table. So far, everything
was going as smooth as a baby's bottom. Then...after
a night and day of monsoon rains...disaster!
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The 'humidity' fountain
area
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Karl checks a label
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The guys arrived one night and, as was their
custom, went right to the dark basement. I was
in the kitchen when I heard the blood-chilling
scream and shouted expletive. I rushed down
and there they stood, in stocking feet, with
water up to their ankles. Truly pitiful. I can't
describe the look of shock on their faces. I
ran for the rum....(and got some for them as
well). The basement was covered with rainwater.
On a scale of one to ten, the flood was not
a ten, but it seemed like it. The cellar was
fine, with one exception. Our precious cardboard
cylinders, which had been carefully laid out
on the basement floor, were ruined. They had
acted like sponges and soaked up as much water
as they possibly could, becoming blistered and
grotesquely swollen, not to mention smelly.
The cellar project was put on ice while we installed
a sump pump to take care of the flooding. We
threw out the now offensive cylinders.
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Karl stores some
vino
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After much diplomacy we managed to get more
of the cardboard tubes. They were finally installed
and look great. As a matter of fact, eventually,
all of the shelving came together quite nicely.
The variety of racks, cylinders, and shelves
created a more textured and lively backdrop
for the wine bottles. An additional visual flare
was achieved by incorporating (as is) a section
of the chimney that stands in the centre of
the basement supporting a fireplace on the main
floor. The pre-existing white tile ceiling required
only a coat of black paint to make it work.
Finally, the floor was covered with ceramic
tile we got on sale. Then...before you knew
it...bam! The job was done...finished.
Needless to say, like on This Old House, we
all celebrated with a drink. Mine was a glass
of Beaujolais. The boys preferred their Lamb's
and Coke. Just for fun we tallied the amount
of bottle space in the room, and, believe it
or not, the cellar can hold one thousand bottles.
Yes, that's right...one thousand! I suspect
it may never be filled, but, thanks to Steve
and Wayne (and his brother Larry) I bet I'm
going to have many enjoyable hours trying. Cheers
lads and thanks for a job well done!
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